Dysfunctional Dreamer: March 2003

Love My Levi's

I simply love my new pair of jeans. Yes, I splurged...anyway I seldom buy jeans..might as well. Like Don said, very "cantik".Hahaha...Never thought I'd get a second pair of buttonfly jeans after the nightmare of a first pair, but well. I just had to.

I start work tomorrow, so went shopping with Wan earlier today(although he was too busy ogling at the shop assistants).
To follow up with my previous blog, yes, I am becoming gay-phobic(I'm okay with lesbians), especially after watching Iron Ladies 2. God, what bad choice of movie (considering it's very gay-land)!...Since it's partly my fault, so I have only myself to blame. But it was a pretty good laugh anyway.

Am watching Fear Factor now, and rooting for my favourite guy alongside my friend. Haha...He just won!
I think my heart stopped beating the moment he finished the stunt. *grin*
Amazing...such a babe!
Go Jeff Go! Woo Hoo!!!

Wish me luck for tomorrow! (:

Pukka!

I totally love the rockin' record of the week: 'Congratulations I'm Sorry' by the Gin Blossoms
Depicts just how my weekend has been.
I need sleep.

Whitewash:

There's a place outside
I'm glad to play no part
The fairest arms can tally
Up the faintest stars

Wash away my weekend
Shatter my sight
C'mon sweet amnesia
You're needed here tonight...

Dreary Sunday

Mum made chicken soup today. Yum, aye?

Well, it was a helluva horrid day yesterday, with certain people obviously ignorant of the whole SARS epidemic. I think that they *did* try to avoid crowded places like town and all, but they weren't very smart to crowd around Ikea either.

Was shoved onto the MRT by 3 horrid bitches yesterday, when there was no excuse to even push as there weren't that many people around. Talk about ugly Singaporeans.
But as my friend Don said ,'Just take it that they are uncouth, uncivilised people creatures, who solely exist to bring out the best in us." Ah, I felt so much better.
Thanks babes.

To all of my friends, please take extra care of yourselves these days.
Am starting my job this coming Tuesday, so please do not worry. (:
I hope all goes well.
Have a great week ahead, everyone!

A beauiful love poem. Short and sweet.
Now I just have to find someone to dedicate it to. (:

I Am Not Yours

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

-by Sarah Teasdale

Gay Magnet

I should really learn to repel gay men(no offence, guys). I seem to be a gay magnet, and I don't even know how that happened. Some guys I meet, were straight to begin with, only to later stay down the crooked path.
It's not like they're not fun people to be around, trust me, they are, but I just have too many of them, and it's beginning to scare me. I can't decently make a new guy friend without having the nagging voice at the back of my mind thinking that he is possibly gay. It's sad, really.
I hope I don't become homophobic.

It's beginning to bother me, this gay issue. To a state that I might refrain from guys totally.
There goes my dreams of my knight-in-shining-armour (whoever my other half will be).
He's probably gay by now. ):

My Crazy People

Had the most wonderful time laughing away my Wednesday with what I now call "my mat-gang friends" haha...Sorry guys.
I had fun. Was nice to get together all over again. And in some ways, it was quite painful (you know what I mean). Wan, Hisham,Zaihan...I've never laughed soooo much (I was having stitches) in months!
Luv you guys! (:

And guess what? I met two old friends today.
Didn't I tell you I was on a roll? *grin*

Talk About Un-Glam!

I fell down. Yes, unglamourously in front of the lift-lobby on my way home. It seems that I stepped on something slippery(and sticky, eeyuck*), and I almost did an involuntary (and painful) split. Thank god my skirt didn't rip, and there wasn't anyone around to witness the embarrassing scene. Yea, go ahead and laugh, it didn't happen to you.
Gosh. I think I sprained my right ankle. ):

Til I Hear It From You

My life presently feels like a Gin Blossoms song.

I didn't ask
They shouldn't have told me
At first I laughed, but now
It's sinking in fast
Whatever they've sold me

I don't wanna take advice from fools
I'll just figure everything is cool
Til I hear it from you...

I can't let it get me off
Break up my train of thought
As far as I know nothing's wrong
Til I hear it from you

I Wonder...

Everything happens for a reason.
I'm beginning to believe that they do. Look at it this way: if I had flown off to London in September last year, I think I wouldn't have had the chance to get to know a lot of people better. People whom I've never thought I'd be chummy with, and I'd probably wouldn't have met the most interesting people who are my friends now. I wouldn't have known that my long-lost friends would re-appear and that in itself has been a pleasant surprise.

What a weird twist of fate.
Or is it?

Hey, whaddaya know?...Honey mangoes are in season again! (:

Painfully Silent

There isn't much to say. The confusion in my head cripples any other thought.
The excerpt from "My Sister From The Black Lagoon" below says it all.

"Beyond envy
Our wildest dreams your superhuman powers
You ruined specialness your genius fingers
Your broken ideal of beauty
beyond your paradisiac memory
you chose to go
beyond me
I am not beyond knowing
We mean nothing to you."

This 'Thang' They Call Love

Being surrounded by broken-hearted people sometimes make you wonder if this thing called "love" is ever worth it. I don't know if it exists, and I won't assume to know.
I hope one day I will be able to find out for myself. But for those who are spiralling down into depression over it, I think this is pretty pinpointing what they are going through. Stumbled upon this piece in a book I read recently. Beautifully written too.

"The end of love is a haunting.
A haunting of dreams. A haunting of silence.
Haunted by ghosts it is easy to become a ghost. Life ebbs.
The pulse is too faint.
Nothing stirs you.
Some people approve of this and call it healing. It is not healing.
A dead body feels no pain."

Just A Mess

On the homefront, it's been pretty messy-especially my room. I'd better do something about it soon.
Been hanging out quite a bit, and I haven't laughed quite so much in a while.
The head's still a bit muddled.

*currently feel like-> Jewel-Standing Still

Mass Confusion

A lot of tomorrows for millions of people around the world will never be the same. War has begun.
It saddens me, those lives lost due to conflicts caused by people who never think twice about jeopardising other people's loved ones.
Tragic.

Drizzle On The Syrup

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. If you're one of those workaholics, it'll last you through lunch and dinner, and all the way till about 8pm (I know people who are this crazy). I know what a drag Mondays can be, for I have not found anyone who is a fan of this fateful day of the week. But cheer up, treat yourself to a nice breakfast, so at least the morning ain't gonna start so sucky, yah?
I'd like to share the recipe below, coz I think it's a great pick-me-up to a long week.
And if all fails, just add lots and lots of maple syrup, it's gauranteed to keep you grinning for at least till the end of the day!

Pancakes

you'd need:
3 large eggs
115g plain flour
1tsp baking powder
140ml buttermilk (or plain milk, but I find buttermilk has more flavour)
2tbsp sugar
a pinch of salt

how to:
- Separate the eggs, putting the whites in one bowl and the yolks in another.
- Add a pinch of salt to the whites and whisk till they form stiff peaks.
- In the other bowl, add the sugar, baking powder, buttermilk and flour and mix till it forms a smooth batter.
- Fold in the beaten whites into the batter till smooth.
- Heat a non-stick pan on medium heat, and pour the batter into the pan.
- Fry till the bottom of the pancake becomes golden brown and flip.
- Wait for the other side to turn golden brown and remove from heat.
- Serve warm with maple syrup.

* Serves 2 - 4
- you can add chopped bananas or pecans to the mix, or serve with your favourite berries. Experiment, and have fun!

C'mon, with a start like this, what could possibly go wrong?
Cheers~!

When All Fades Away

Met an old friend yesterday. Chatted excitedly to fill in all the blanks over dinner.
It's nice to see a familliar face once again.

---------------------------------*

Pitter patter
of footsteps.
The door
slams shut.
I'm back at
the beginning.
Alone again.

Those Hazy Mornings

Have you ever waken up, dragged yourself out of bed to wash up and end up with shampoo on your toothbrush instead of toothpaste, and you only realize it when it occurs to you that it tastes funny? I have. I call it my hazy days. When it happens, it's usually that I sleepwalk with my towel all the way to the bathroom. And when my shampoo starts bubbling overtime on my head, I suspect it's probably my shower foam instead. The realization hits, and suddenly I'm cursing and awake.
In case you're wondering, soap tastes yucky.

A Taste Of Whats To Come

The drawing masterclass today was totally intense. I am so mentally drained, it's giving me migraines. The pace of the session was both fervent and inspiring all at the same time. Just goes to show that I'm a little rusty when it comes to exercising my creativity (not to mention drawing skills!).
We got a chance to do life drawing (yes, with a model), and we were supposed to develop it into abstract shots and ideas in sequences. The crit session was more exciting than most, and I walked away with more ideas than frustration(only the latter applies to the crits I've had so far). I find that the approach was more encouraging, without trying to impose their ideas on me.
I've met new people, and I envy them so much for the passion that they have within them, but I was glad to have had a chance to peek into the world thru their eyes.
This has been truly an amazing experience.

Quietly Insane

It's been tiring being pissed. Truly.
I've given up and so has my boss. He has finally paid me. Tried looking our for a few jobs today, but haven't been in luck. There's always tomorrow.

People have come and gone in my life, but I never expected them to make a u-turn. Some have resurfaced, out of the blue, and I'm glad. It reminds me that I am still remembered. It gives me hope in people.
Maybe tomorrow WILL be a better day.

You're a B52! That crazy layered shooter of grand marnier, coffee liquer and irish cream, mmm mm! Not for the fainthearted you're eccentric, eclectic and you can't make your mind up%2

""Which cocktail are you?""
brought to you by Quizilla

The Drugs Don't Work

In a matter of days, I've become an introverted lunatic. I am still not paid, and the employer from hell makes me feel as if I have to beg to rightfully claim the cash I have slogged so hard for. Alongside other problems that seemed to have popped up along the way, it feels that I am losing control. I seek solace, and found it. Sugar Happy. Haven't had it since 3yrs ago.
Doesn't last, kills the throat, but at least there ain't gonna be no hangovers, yah?

Dreams For An Insomniac

How apt, considering the late hours that I've been keeping. Too many dreams have slipped through my hands, save some that have not been realized.
Dreamers are often seen as aloof people, afraid to live in reality, but what people don't realise is that it is those very dreamers who keep Hope alive. Dreamers, simply, are people with a passion...they do not give up, and how I envy them. They make living reality a whole lot more bearable (and colourful).

Sometimes the moments pass by so fast, so surreal, that we tend to forget to slow down and enjoy it as we go along. Revisit a childhood place, reminisce. Swim, cycle, go to the beach, build a sandcastle, take a ride on a swing, whatever it is, just let go, and laugh at yourself at times. If you don't, who will?

This is a poem so befitting the entry, I just had to share.
---------------------------------------------
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

-Langston Hughes

Cheers to all the dreamers out there.
Time to go chase my own dreams.

Where Did My Day Go?
Lamentations of the Underachiever

Time flies by so fast once you hit 21. I really don't know just what I have been doing, but it seems like it all this time has dissipated into nothingness. It keeps me in a rush to make new memories, all of which I would like to document someday. Pictures alone are not enough, but I guess it would have to make do for now.
So little time, so much to do, *cliche cliche*, but at present moment, it's more like "so much to do, just don't know where to start"...

Before I forget, thanks Wan..(yes, you're forgiven) for the big help on this blogpage. Maybe I would lend you my favourite man(no names shall be mentioned) for a day...then again...NOT! *grin*

Ah..talking about my favourite males...this is a lil' list I made of the men in showbiz I adore.
Indulge me a little now.
* Steven Sabados - This man is just fab, he's who I hope to work for, if I ever got to US to do interior design. Kinda adorable with the infamous dimples ( I've got a soft spot for the holes in the cheeks), and he is just as creative. May not be very famous, but someone I'd definately look out for.
* Jamie Oliver - No guesses for this. It's a no-brainer. Kitchen whiz, with a lisp (which apparantly my mum finds endearing) , whipping up yummylicious food with the simplest of recipes. Very viewer friendly.
* Hugh Jackman - What can I say? Just Gorgeous. Period. *ggrrreow*...

Hm, surprised that the list is so short?
There's more, I'm sure, stored in the dark corners in my head. Not much of it is functioning right now, so, lucky you.

The Employer That Ran Away

More like "The Pay That Didn't Come". I have a sinking feeling that my employer escaped for a brief holiday to China with my paycheck. It ain't much, but hey, it's money.
I woke up today, angry (talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed) ,remembering that I have not gotten my paycheck for last month's work, which is already 2 weeks due! If I knew getting paid would be such a chore, I'd just lay off the jobs. Then again, the income coming in is pretty crucial, whatever the amount. *sigh* Bosses can be such a pain in the ass,...but I think this one takes the cake (don't get me started now).
Time to find a new job.

It's A New Age

Technology is always on the go, moving on, that sometimes it's difficult to catch up, especially for someone who isn't in the know-how.
BUT there are certain things that could never replace the good ol' handiwork. For example, cooking, would never be *cross fingers* mechanized. How would tasting and the novelty of new discoveries of recipes come along then? It horrifies me to think that it might possibly happen someday. For now, I think cooks have the safest jobs. Ah, thought of another example.. most art-related professions can't be replace by machines as they can't possibly invent something that sprouts creativity, no? Aid it, perhaps, but not replace.
Just a thought...but, I'm a computer jinx(machines always finds a way to die around me)..so what would I know ?

Some Kinda Peace

So, how shall I start? "Dear Diary", or just gear up for a conversation with myself?
I'm not very into tech-ie stuff, so, I hope that the robot makes it alright for the blogpage. (I will change it once I grow bored of it). Uhhkay..*deep breath*....here goes:

All I can think of is well, the fish which is sitting in the oven. It's a very easy recipe, which I kinda got off Mr Jamie Oliver (yes, I love that man), and kinda improvised it into a "meal in a bag".
Could I publish a recipe here? You guys should give it a try.

you'd need:
1 seabass fillet
1 clove garlic, sliced
3/4 cup lima beans, half of it crushed
1tsp dried basil and oregano (combined)
1cup chicken/vegetable stock
2 tbsp thickened cream
1 leek, about 20cm, chopped roughly
salt & black pepper to taste

how to:
-Blanche the leeks for about 2 mins and drain.
- Season the fish with the salt and pepper, put it into a baking dish.
-Combine the rest of the ingredients and pour it over the fish.
-Cover the dish with aluminium foil and bake in a preheated oven at 220 degrees over 25 mins.
-Serve warm with baked potatoes

TaDa! That wasn't too difficult, ain't it?

*I won't specify the serving portion, as I figure it could be a meal for one VERY hungry person, or for a small eater like me, it would actually serve for 2.
Happy trying!

Just Insanities All Around

A big hello to basically my buddy Wan for this sabotage. (You are still not forgiven)
I hope this page would slowly fill in with my ramblings, which I would try to keep as painless as possible...
I must admit, wasn't too comfortable with the idea of recording my life on-line, but hey, no harm trying!
Cheers, it's a new beginning.

Dysfunctional Dreamer

Monday, March 31, 2003

Sunday, March 30, 2003

Friday, March 28, 2003

Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Monday, March 24, 2003

Sunday, March 23, 2003

Saturday, March 22, 2003

Friday, March 21, 2003

Thursday, March 20, 2003

Monday, March 17, 2003

Sunday, March 16, 2003

Friday, March 14, 2003

Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Tuesday, March 11, 2003

Sunday, March 09, 2003

Saturday, March 08, 2003

Friday, March 07, 2003

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