Dysfunctional Dreamer

Never Knowing If...

Life's been kinda strange lately. I can't say that I'm expressing discontent, but I am not contented either. I am simply in limbo about my life as it stands currently. As it is, the end of school (for good this time) and the beginning of summer means planning and lots of it. My mum and sis will be making their way here in a few days and I see them again after a year. So much has changed.

But the main content of this entry will not be about them. While walking down the school corridors one day, I passed one of my classmates whom I've never talked to since the beginning of the course- but they smiled. A courteous, mandatory polite-I-know-who-you-are kinda smile. And of course, I smiled back. But why is it that we never talked? Neither of us are repulsed by each other, surely, because that kind of behaviour is one that only a very ruthlessly judgemental person is capable of. But why, why with the space of three long years and hundreds of projects in between, we never talked? This doesn't bother me. I am merely piqued by it. I can't help but think- if I had made more of an effort and mingled more with other people, would my university experience be vastly different? Would it have been more enjoyable? Would I have made friends for life? Or would it have put me off English people more because of their party-till-you're-pissed-drunk-everynight ways? Would I even fit in?

Perhaps this is why I don't bother. In times like these I trust my gut. I'm happy with the few friends I've made, because we enjoy the same things and enjoy our times sober. We're a bit boring, but boring is good. We know how to have fun without any help of intoxicants. But there are, however, more people in my class that are like that. I've only found out now, given the chance to talk to them. I regret. I regret I didn't try harder to get to know people. I don't need to impress or am dying to make more friends, but what harm can a chat and a laugh do? It makes working together bearable. Make the best of a bad situation, if the need arises.

It took me three years to learn this lesson. And learnt it I have.

posted by nori_b @ 11:16 PM