Dysfunctional Dreamer: February 2005

Monday, February 28, 2005

A&E...

Could it be me, or is something very bizzaire happening disrupting my life? Am I so used to normality that when something different throws me off course, I think: what the hell happened there?! Change, can be good, or bad. But which stand do I take?
I am so used to looking up at people who are more intellectual, more confident, cheerier. But why does it hit me like a brick when someone tells me it's how I make them feel instead? For the first time, someone said they feel dwarfed by me, I make them feel small and well, not very smart? It's a strange feeling, realization.

Friday, February 25, 2005

And sometimes, I think...

I am missing someone who used to be very important in my life...but what am I to do, when he could never have loved me anyway? Here's Buble to help me out:

Don't Get Around Much Anymore

Missed the Saturday dance
Heard they crowded the floor
Couldn't bear it without you
Don't get around much anymore

Thought I'd visit the club
Got as far as the door
They'd have asked me about you
Don't get around much anymore

Darling, I guess my mind's more at ease
But nevertheless, why stir up memories
Been invited on dates
Might have gone but what for
Awfully different without you
Don't get around much anymore

A Losing Battle With Flickr

I am trying to upload my pics online. I already have, in the short span of half an hour, an account with Buzznet, Hello Bloggerbot and Flickr.Thing is, I am so crap at this. No pictures in here are a testament of my failure and imcompetance. *sigh*
Technology, again, fails me..or rather, I am quite a jinx with it.

Aaagh..my back hurts. Went back to Wilson Road, probably for the last time, to pick up my work. We will only get the feedback form and marks on Tuesday, but right now, I couldn't care less. It's my day off for everything, and the only reason I'm in school now, is internet. Hopefully Goncalo comes visit today, because it is one of those days, and I could really do with cheering up. Ah, but there is always Buble to keep me company in the meanwhile.Okay, so it's a Friday, but hey, with no proper social life and a three-week hectic schedule behind me, the rest is well-deserved, I should think!

Ended up working till 7pm yesterday, as I was waiting for Viqui for our 'date'. Had a hot chocolate, and Goncalo came by to pass me my beloved's long-awaited CD. Got home, had a chat with John and Crazy Chris (John's friend, who's always over), and amazingly, he remembered my name. I panicked for a while trying to recall his name, and constantly going on rewind in my head till I remembered John mentioning it before he ran to the door. Ended up having a mini-movie-marathon with Paolo, we watched: Virgin Suicides and Talk To Her...and then off to bed for everyone...for we all have to start off bright and early the following day. It was, though, a very cold day, walking toward Covent Garden, almost froze my nose off, but it was nice and warm at home. Also, a day of ultimate indulgence for me (I swear, it must be the period!)- bought brazil nuts coated in Belgian chocolate, and a cheesecake for later.Ohmygod. The decadence...I don't think my poor lil heart can take the guilt now.

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Of Little Blue Creatures...

So me and Mr Grumpy (read-Paolo) were discussing smurfs, the cartoon, over breakfast. Said something about I was still bewildered with the idea of just one smurfette in the whole village. Then it dawned on me: I am the only smurfette in the house. Oh, tragedy...

Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snowwwwww

Yes, so Buble haunts me again. Will be obtaining the copy of the cd exclusively from Mr G. Sousa(a slightly more glamourous term for our beloved Loggy). Can't wait!
It's been snowing on and off, but when the roof terrace of my house gets covered in white, I always feel happy, for it is so pretty. I walked home from Camberwell after grocery shopping the other day, and was drenched with what looks like ice shaving, but with my trusty hoodie on, I was smiling beneath it all. How can anyone stay grumpy when something so pretty and enchanting falls from the sky? It certainly makes the cold worthwhile!

So here's a quick recap of the past few days - Monday: first..okay, no, so second official sighting of snow..properly(same day I went to Camberwell). Finished my work for elective, so went back to relax, to find grumpy Paolo bored and, naturally, grumpy(!). Hah. Changed out of my wet coat, and we decided to watch a movie at Peckham Multiplex- bad timing, so we had to wander around before the show started. Vera Drake was okay, very sad though. Must be all that woman crying...she reminds me of someone...possibly Dawn...must be the small eyes and expression.. (:
It was gently snowing as we walked back home- nice thing about hanging out with housemates, you go home to the same place, very safe indeed (especially when you're in the middle of shoot-em-up Peckham..or so Halo calls it!). Had dinner at Tadim's and watched tv and vegetated on the couch, till god knows what time. *yawn* Bizzaire dreams followed, but we shall not talk about that.

-Tuesday : Okay, so I thought; since I've no need for the workshops anymore...why not sleep in (unfortunately, even with the alarm off, the latest I managed was ten, after waking up automatically at 8am..how annoying!) and later clean up the house? The floor was just...Eugh...Disgusting? Mike was utterly speechless when I showed him the discoloured soap water. Now I feel much better that it is cleaner..was very tired, but realized that I had to do all the necessary back-ground work for my alien theme...oops..but not before watching CSI..the normal routine...
Someone commented they didn't see me smile the whole evening(but this is from the time he arrived, popped his head in to say hello, and sat with me all of 5 mins, the wanker.). Was quite in a foul mood though. Must be the approaching period. *sigh* Trials and tribulations of being a girl. AAAaaghhhhhhhh!!!!!
Very tired, but hard time getting to sleep.

-And today? : Early start, off to school to print out my work...dabble with a bit of Photoshop, and Waaalaaa!, done...of course this is followed by a little intense private session with the photocopier...Third time today travelling to and from home. *sigh* Am very tired, but enjoy walking in the snow.Was going to collect my camera from home to take pictures of my presentation..but what the heck...it's too cold (temps ranging from -1 to 3 degrees)and so I won't bother...

On tv today (the junkie that we are these days)- Jamie's School Dinners(thanks for reminding me, Luisa), and oh, Desperate Housewives after..*sigh*... what is life as we know it before tv existed..*shakes head* One more night on the couch then, nice and cuddled up warmly on the sofa with my little blue blanket...that is, until someone shoves me off to one corner. But tonight, we will conquer!!!

Monday, February 21, 2005

My Ten Minutes Of Snow

So it snowed last Saturday, on my afternoon break, well, it came and went but what I managed to see was all ten minutes of it. Pity. Well, it's supposed to start snowing this week, so I'm waiting. It would be perfect if it did.

Buble was on BBC1 that night, and of course, I'm in love all over again. There is no other man like him. I don't need anyone else, for he keeps me so happy. Call me silly, but there is no way he could ever hurt me, for I know he is not real. That's the thing that's so great about it.

Had a mini-dinner party at home and invited Viqui, Yuko and Tina. We had fried rice, my mom's style, and roti john. The girls brought a very decadent chocolate cake(hence feeding my addiction), custard and drinks. And of course, pot on the side. We had a lot of fun, and although I was rather apprehensive in the beginning, it worked out well. We decided we should do this more often, and Tina might even bake us something, or possibly have a baking session when everyone's not working. Next stop: Viqui's flat in two weeks time!

The madness between work and school-workshop stuff will come to a stop this wednesday, when we finally have our last assessments. I will be sorry when we all go back to our majors, I was having so much fun...

Monday, February 14, 2005

Just-Dig-Up-My-Intestines-And-Throw-Up Day

Yes, so it is Valentine. For the couples in the world, congratulations. Do you really need a day to celebrate your love? You idiots, isn't it more special when you do it more spontaneously?! *sigh* To the singles, I know your pain. 23 and yet, never celebrated such a day. Pathetic? Maybe, but I think it's more sad to celebrate it just-because. I'm not saying that it's not a good day to be walking on clouds, but then again, I never really knew how it felt, so I am in no position to criticize. I just think it's the one day that, no matter how sure of yourself you are, it never fails to make one feel a lot lonelier. Couples parading around hand in hand with bouquets of flowers, looking endlessly(excuse me while I gag) into each others eyes...making out..*rolls eyes* Get a FUck*n room already! Geez!!!

How crap is it for it to fall on a Monday this year? Maybe the fact that it IS Monday to begin with is bad enough..the workload piling up does help keep one busy.
Thank god for homework!

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Swirling Blue Butterflies

This thing with metalwork has gone completely out of context. How I ended up from spaceships to aliens themselves to insects, butterflies and aviation, I don't know. Okay, so the logic goes: alien>spaceship>aviation>insects & butterflies...this order definately makes more sense....Spent the last half hour on the internet and phone in the office trying to order enamels for my work...and had to share with this girl that I particularly think very strange and fake. Argh!!!
So that takes care of things for the meanwhile...now I just have to execute a final plan of action. God help me survive. ):

And now I have to worry about fixing my fucking iPod...Aaarghhh...
My patience is running thin...it could be the lack of sleep that is seriously getting on my nerves...

Things on the homefront seem to be getting better, to which I really have to credit Tv. It seriously bonds people so much! It's a nice feeling though, when I get to curl up and just fall asleep on the sofa, something I haven't really done since I got to London..of course, then my housemate Paolo insists that I put myself to bed (only after Snatch is over and he had enough of tv too).

I'm still trying to register Mike's new haircut. For someone who had long messy ginger hair, it's strange to see him going around with a very short haircut- though I'm sure he hates it, he wears a cap all the time now(ha ha, nice try, but they don't match the pjs in the morning, no!?!) (: Well, at least one comfort is that I have one fellow CSI fan, we race to watch it and talk about it after. I tried getting Paolo to watch, but half the time he was grimacing and wondering why I like the show. Ah well, we sat through the whole two hours of it anyway!

Which brings me to ...CSI New York! With Gary Senise...due to start this Saturday..fuck, I'd be working, and have to celebrate Viqui's birthday after. No chance in hell I'd get home in time...*bleagh*!

Jonathan is the new addition to the house, having moved into Cecily's old room. He's a Foundation Degree (Graphic Design) in Camberwell, so he's a student too. He doesn't seem to be entirely there, perhaps it's because he's so drugged up and wasted half the time, and yes, the house faintly smells of weed whenever he's home, probably smoking up in his room. I don't particularly care about the habit, but when the whole house smells of it, it's not very pleasant. Ironically, he's buddies with one of my current classmates from metalwork, Odile, who was of course in shock when I answered the door yesterday. Well, perhaps it is a small world afterall. But I got to talk to him a bit more, and he seems okay, but that is only relative. Time will tell.

One more move and the house will be complete. As soon as Denise finishes her work in London, off she goes, and in comes Dominic. Four guys and me...hmm. Thank god majority of them aren't slobs, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed.

At the moment, since things have stabilized a bit more at home and at work, I've gotten to know people so much better, and even my fellow illustration classmate Alison, seems to be opening up a bit more. Hector, the new Spanish guy who replaced Joe, is very amusing once I got to know him. Tina and Viqui and Yuko are just possibly random and hilarious. I'm even getting to know the musicians who busk in front of the store better! Hahaha..friends are everywhere, I guess(I'm STILL disappointed with the ones from home though!Thought you'd get off lightly, didn't you, wankers?Well, okay, exept the few whom I've heard from...)

AAgh...got to go grocery shopping before it gets dark...gonna pop home and drop my stuff before.And tomorrow, back to work it is for me! *sigh*

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Pressed For Time

This has to be a quick one. I'm starting to panic. There are only about two and a half more weeks of Metalwork to go, and I'm easily missing half of it...so much for dedication...so here i am, trying to justify my absence by relying as much as i can on the internet to provide me with much needed inspiration. It's been really frustrating having to worry about my finances and juggling my schoolwork...
It's a wonder I've not gone totally berserk yet...
THIS, is the essence of being in school overseas. THIS, is what cruel poverty is doing to me. THIS, is the ultimate insanity.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Full House

Gary (my Reef-rocker landlord) found someone to fill Cec's room...it's strange now that she's gone. But *sigh* it's another guy...so the full house will be 4 guys and me. I do want another girl, but no chance in hell that Gary's gonna rent the room at the bottom...it will make a nice bedroom and extra income for him...

Anwyays, Cecily moved out on sunday, leaving me a few things, but it was just bizzaire. It's a pity, we had so many plans for the place, but now, gone to dust. However, Paolo and Mike have helped out with the living room, so it looks much nicer and lived-in, especially with the tv in there now, more homey, and hopefully, Mike will get around to lighting the fireplace sometime, so it'll be nice and cosy.

There isn't much to say now...I'm just exhausted. I may be writing to an invinsible audience anyway. What's the point, aye?...

Dysfunctional Dreamer