Dysfunctional Dreamer: October 2004

Monday, October 25, 2004

Repression Dizzys

If I had a band, I'd call it that. Not that I think I am repressed, but living with a psychobitch who is, probably is rubbing off on me. Difference is, I'm bordering on explosion.

Reiss never got back to me, and do I really want to work in a store that has lost my CV twice, and didn't call back when they were supposed to? NO! Doesn't reflect very well on the company, I think. Another job possibility I kinda have going is at Diesel.It was almost like star-search or pop idol. Firstly, you are invited to come in for a group interview, consisting of 100 or so people, then the second one if you're short-listed, then another final one-on-one interview. These things are so nerve-wrecking, and I don't even know if they liked me. I mean, they must, to a certain extent, because I was called back the second time, but haven't heard from them since. Hobbs called me back to start work, I said 'yes', decided to rethink my offer (it's bad enough to have fuck-ups and stress at home, I don't need it at work too), till the toyshop called me back, to offer me the job.

So I took up the job my gut told me to. Just started work at Eric Snook, a gift/toy shop, in the Piazza in Covent Garden, just this Saturday, and I think I'm settling quite well. Not much of a thinking job, though not being paid much, but I get to meddle around with the toys when I'm bored, and my colleagues are so crazy, it's cool. My manager is setting up his own production, and he's been talking about it, so it's a friendly environment, and I feel at home. My colleagues are relaxed, and all I have to do to look busy is re-arranging the stuff on the shelves, replenish and occassionally, help people out.((Now I'm kinda wishing Diesel never calls me back...))

Life is really starting to take it's toll on me. It's been kinda crap socially, I've discovered what shit people some of my friends are here. I don't think I'm unfriendly, I just think that I could be socially handicapped. As my sister says(yes, desperately,in moments of dire need and insanity,even talking to her, is becoming something of bliss)- one at a time. First, settle the school, then the job, then the roomate. Except when she drives me insane, she moves up the chart of priorities. GET RID OF HERRRRR!!!!!!! It's gotten so bad, that I can't criticize her without her getting upset and going to her room (possibly, to cry, the stupid cow!) She never stops talking nor complaining-oh, shaddup already! She complains if people try to pick her up (according to her, constantly-she's fuckin delusional), if people talk to her on the street(c'mon, get used to it, it's London, for fuck's sakes!), about how much work she has to do...about how harder her course is (this may not be true...Fact:they have 100 students,which is alot.Fact: In a small course of 50, we're((the illustration students)) only 1 in every 30 people who applied who got picked to get into the school.So she's complaining?Screw her, bitch! Pppfth!) Was going to break the news to her that I have decided to move out last Saturday, but her whole family was there, so had to postphone. Darn. So I'm gonna wait till she gets home today to tell her. Luisa now understands how just being around her ,makes my blood boil- no need for E to get my heart pumping faster...I feel like I'm on it everyday, doing a bad trip.
I've come to a conclusion: I'd rather stay in halls, or strangers, than to put up with a whiny 5 yr old, which I constantly plot to push out the window (if she was to fit in the first place), or wring her neck...god, I've no expectations anymore- I'd even rather live with Varun(the indian guy whom i despise and find annoying)-for the simple fact I can tell him to fuck off, and he won't get all sensative, than with her!!!!!!!!! AAAARGhHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh........................*think pretty thoughts...think pretty thoughts...think pretty thoughts....*

By the way....Zaihan....where ARE you....???????

Enter: Sander (Part 2 & 3)

I've missed out so much from being so caught up with worries. So many of the happier moments,I have forgotten to record, simply because I was getting so carried away.
Sander: Yes, the same tutor, the HOT one (well, when there isn't much choice among peer, we should always keep our options open!). He's probably the subject of every girl's(especially the ones in my class, I'm sure) erotic dream. He's Mr Sparkling Personality, Mr Charismatic,...did I mention HOT(?)in anotherwords, perfect! I've never had such a huge crush on a teacher before...but hey, there's always a first! Oh...and his boa peida(cute butt,Portuguese speak)!
Been trying to squeeze in Portuguese lessons in between stay-overs at Luisa's, but it's really strange lacking of proper reading materials,so my current bible is a book of poetry, by Joaquim Pessoa. Of course, the other things like curses...that doesn't take long to learn.
All I look forward to are Fridays,...the lessons with Sander...oh,for I am such a foolish girl!

Monday, October 18, 2004

Conversations With Myself

Today, there is no happiness in the world. Not an ounce. I have written emails to certain people, which did not entirely sound very pleasant, but of matters which had to be brought to light. I know that I should feel no remorse having sent it, but I
would be lying if I didn't say that it had to be done. I couldn't sleep last night, thinking about it (and my pschotic flatmate, who ,I'm thinking I might do grevious harm to, or do grevious harm to myself) and perhaps the world is spinning by so fast, I feel sick and dizzy. I know too much about what's going on in my head...it doesn't immediately strike me that something is wrong with me in the head. This is me, registering pain very slowly. Or maybe just me, belly-flopping on the floor, mad, and dead.

Michael Andrews OST Donnie Darko- Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere.
The tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad World
Mad World
Enlarge your world
Mad World

Friday, October 08, 2004

Friday- Enter Sander.

Sander is our new tutor for friday exercises. We had a drawing exercise,which works like a mini-charade...with clues like 'who assasinated JFK?', 'the Renaissance','Storytelling','Concealing the murder weapons,'Philosophy' and 'The Space Race'. It went by so fast and intense, and some of the clues are so hard to put into drawings, but it was fun, guessing within our groups, and later comparing with the others around us. Both Luisa and I agree that this new tutor is pretty darn good at what he does, very motivational, and not half bad looking. (:
Today, was a good day.

Time: 1:21pm, time to go home for the day.

200 drawings to finish by next Wednesday, 143 to go.

Have an interview with Reiss tomorrow, them having lost my CV, and me bugging them to grant me an interview. Wish me luck.
Fingers and toes crossed. /:

Thursday, October 07, 2004

When I Least Thought...

My life would spiral downwards again so soon.
I knew I should have bought Lisa's 'Cake & Pie'...

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

I Control The Sun- Lisa Loeb

I control the sun
I turn on the stars
I make all the colors that you see as you circle me
I open up the sky
I control the speed
I can make the green lights flash
I can make you crash

Barely makes a sound
You stop when you slow down

I can't make you see things the way I see them
I can't make you feel things the way I feel them
I can't wait around for you
I've got better things to do

Cuz I control the sun
I cool down the heat
I can make the walls spin around and raise the ground
I control the world
I can make it flat
I can make the water deep so I can save you from the sea

Stop when you slow down
Afraid that you would drown

I pushed every button
I pulled every string
I've tried every lever
I've tried everything

Barely makes a sound
Stop when you slow down

Cuz I control the sun
I control the sun
If I can control the sun
Then why can't I have you?
I've got better things to do

Monday, October 04, 2004

The Ways Of The World

Strange how the world works. Perhaps Britian is not that big after all! FJ got a call from his agent, for a job starting in London tomorrow, so news is that we're on the same soil! Just got his e-mail and he's househunting...am very tempted to offer him a place in my flat...but we're not that familliar, so that would be weird!

Anyways, today is the official first day of term, and it's pretty nerve-wrecking. Perhaps I'm too old to be doing this, and going through all this again... I couldn't sleep, I'm all excited and nervous at the same time! Tried to work on my summer homework, but I guess it's a little too late now, and I'm too pooped out to be working on it..managed to get some ideas out on my sketchbook, though!
Heard from my other friends who are starting uni today too, and it's nice to know they are still alive and in touch, and hopefully, we can all meet up again sometime in the near future! But it's good to know everybody's going through the first-day jitters, so that means I'm pretty normal! (:

Doo doo do do do doop...it's a brand new year, and so far all is good! *grin*

When I Grow Up,...

I want to be somebody. Not just anybody, but at least somebody to maybe a small group of people who share the same interests as me. I want to matter to people. Okay, so ego has it that sometimes, I dream of making it big someday, for people to know me for the work I do, and be the source of inspiration to others. But for now, I am only me, and there's only so much I have achieved, there's so much more to explore. Till when I'm grown up.

Friday, October 01, 2004

Please Come Over To My Place

This has been mentioned a lot since I got back to London. I guess it's pretty exciting, with everyone just moving in to their new houses, housewarming parties are just around the corner. We've already had one since we moved, and next week, I'm sure Goncalo and his buddies are going to have one at their place. It's nice to ooh and aah, especially at a new environment, and besides, everybody's happy that they're not homeless.

Luisa moved out of our living room today, and slowly, she's getting rid of evidence that she was ever there, since she lives about 5minutes walking distance away from us. I've been helping her ferrying stuff to and fro, since this morning, and it's been fun, seeing her embrace her 60s kitsch living spaces. I think it's very cool though, with all the retro-fied wall paper and chairs!
We're waiting for her third-year Camberwell japanese housemate to move out, so I can move in! Hahaha...but she seems nice though, we had a small chit-chat with her, but none of us still remember her name. Talk about being rude... d:

Have to go home now, to clean up my room. Tried to figure out how to use the washing machine yesterday, but that pissed me off...I'm thinking maybe I should just hand-wash...*sigh*
It's already almost the weekenends, and uni is starting in 2 days...
Can't wait.

Dysfunctional Dreamer