Dysfunctional Dreamer

Baggage

Emotional,physical,psychological,or unclaimed baggage? I know this doesn't make much sense to anyone reading this, but this is the topic I was supposedly(because I only got my brief about four days ago) given for the summer homework. I'm working on it anyway, because it is a pretty interesting one. If anyone has any suggestions, all are welcome. Just be sure to drop a message on my insanities. Thanks in advance!

I'm going to be in college more often now, considering the free internet(the only thing that motivates me to go to uni), and the computers process faster than my mac anyway.I realize that once I reach home, there isn't any turning back!That is just how cozy being at home is!Camille must be rolling her eyes if she ever saw this, because I just love vegetating at home. Lee will be dropping by for a lunch visit tomorrow, haven't seen him since I left, and can't wait to cringe(I'm quite sure it's cringeworthy) at his pierced ear and (probably) diamond stud...this whole 'in-da-hood' thing. It's like our mini-dinner party, but he's bringing pie and juice, Camille making fruit pie, and me? My rice..whichever..

Luisa's due to be back in London today, hope she rings me, am pretty worried where she's putting up because she's kinda homeless as well. We may work out a deal where she can stay in the huge living room(my favourite room in the flat), and...we'll work it out. Don't think we can stay here longer than a year, the rent is pretty high..so I'm busting my bank to pay for this place.Kinda feel like I'm living in a hotel full-time.

It's getting colder...at least more chilly than last summer, when they had the heat wave, so there isn't walking around in short skirts anymore..damn...just when I started to stock up on them! Am waiting for my boxes from storage to come, so I can slip into my warm tights and long boots..finally!

It's nice to know that I'm in charge of how I live again, not being told constantly what to do, how to do it. Although sometimes people drive me up the wall, that's something that can't be helped totally.Well, there's always the little hiding place in my room, when I want to lock out the insanity.

Okay..so I've to move on and do my project now. Gotta run.
More updates soon!

posted by nori_b @ 10:18 AM 0 comments

Barely Scraping By

Okay, so I shouldn't complain because at least I have a roof over my head now. My own, and a place to sleep. I'm living 7 minutes walk from school, so that means I have an hour more to sleep in(hee hee). Camille and I found a two-room flat to live in, at the border of Peckham,and close to all amenities. The place is beginning to grow on us-it should, considering the amount we're paying every week for it(I don't even want to talk about it)I recently got my last paycheck from Hobbs, and thank god, it was a considerable sum. I'm thinking of re-applying with Hobbs, but only two of my friends are left working there. I hope I find a job soon, I could really use the cash! And I'd only re-apply if I'm dead desperate.

Everything else on the homefront has been okay, I'm still texting FJ(Farmer Jon, according to Halo, coz he lives on a farm in Newcastle, with the sheep,cattle,apple and orange trees.Ok, so I don't mind...), and we're still in touch, so that's positive, I guess.One small step at a time, aye? (: Warning: I may be slightly smitten with the cheeky fella, although, I am, constantly in love with Bublé!Haha!

So here it is, my new beginning, my fresh canvas. It's slowly getting stained with footsteps and colour, slowly but surely.It feels like I've never left, except that I've been moved around a bit.Shuffled, but not shaken. This new life I have to embrace, taking advantage of situations I used to let slip so easily before. Try everything, and basically there isn't much to lose.

With a new beginning comes a new anthem. So appropriate, I couldn't refuse. (:

Dreams- All Saints
'Here I go again,
Got a broken heart
This time I'll get stronger
No grieving till the break of dawn,
Ain't fallin easily no longer
Dreams I dream,
Will at last come true,
Skys will clear,
Leaving me bright and blue,
I will raise my glass to my heart and say,
"Here's to tomorrow not yesterday"
Here's not to dreams that don't come true,
Here's not to what was me and you,
Here's not to all the days gone by
Into the truth that lived a lie'

posted by nori_b @ 1:04 PM 0 comments

Lollipop Heads

Haha. This term came from a friend I made on the flight to London.It refers to the people whose heads are oversized compared to their puny bodies.He's a cool fella, and he lives in Nottingham, but he's in London for the next few days. I never thought I'd make friends on a flight, but it made the journey bearable. Plus, he was good company, and is a better looking-geeky-er version of Jamie Oliver. He has the lisp too! The name's John, and he's pretty cute! We exchanged numbers at Heathrow, so fingers crossed! I texted him last night, and got a reply, oh how exciting!!!

So here I am, back in the Camberwell library...I never got my enrolment forms, but I guess I'm lucky, as the moment I arrived in college, they were enrolling Illustration BA students. So I'm good to go, just need a place to stay now. Will be viewing a few houses later on, so wish us luck, yea? Been staying with Goncalo since I arrived, and I feel bad for making him occupy the floor. ):
Once the house is settled, I can finally look for a job. Slowly, things are falling into place...so thank god!

posted by nori_b @ 1:16 PM 0 comments

The Road To Recovery

I am finally healing,I can confidently say. All I needed was the strength of friends, and a good kick in the ass(not literally). I had a good long talk with a good friend whom I've never thought would pull thru for me, but he did (you know who you are, and I can't thank you enough-no matter what you said, you are still my brightest star). And I am glad it all happened. For I'm so relieved, and I'm feeling alive again. I can smile, laugh, without that tinge of sadness. There was so much to get off my head, and my heart, but sometimes sharing it with someone else puts it into a better perspective, especially if they're going through the same thing.

All's well, and there's only the one long night of the dinner party this saturday to look forward to-to create memories that I can hold on to.Come Wednesday morning, my life here exists no more.

posted by nori_b @ 11:01 AM 0 comments

Does Physical Change=Psychological Change?

There is a big change happening. I don't know if this mental confusion I am going through has anything to do with it, but I just feel that parts of me could do with a revamp. Perhaps if I changed myself physically, the mental change will follow, and I would be able to move on to other things. All that would be left would be a shell.

There will be something different about my going back this time round. There will be so many new beginnings, so many new experiences, waiting to be discovered, and this time, I hope not to pass it off this time round. I feel like some of the things I've missed the first time round, and now that there is less emotional baggage involved, I can finally concentrate on the things that matter more. 14days to go, I'm a mixture of anxiety, apprehension, and joy. But I guess when I'm finally done here, hopefully things will turn out better.

Sometimes I think that my life needs constant changes. Making radical changes, or acting on impulses seem to make me feel alive. If not happy, at least I know for a fact that I exist.

Depression and fate have a very strange way of bringing people together. Perhaps it's the sharing of all that emotion and talk that reveals the most honest of people.

I shall greatly regret to leave my insult-throwing-fast-talking friends. People I've known all my life, people who have been around when I've needed them most. People, who are irreplacable, people whom I've put up with, and who have put up with me. London holds new friendships, new people,new prospects- it's my separate reality. But no matter how much I feel like I want to leave now, run away, I will feel so sorry when that day comes, for it will not be the reality I'll be living for the next few years. People have a tendancy to think that the world revolves around them, and sometimes I get tired of constantly trying. I don't want to let go, so I try. But sometimes I feel like I'm grabbing at air, when they disappear....I know I tend to expect too much of people, but I am only human. And when a friendship fades or dies, it's like a part of me slowly disappears too. From time to time, I reminisce. And all comes alive again, like I've never left. But this is sadly, not the case.

Sometimes I wished I were able to say I'm a miserable drunk.
Washing out all that emotion with a few swigs of alcohol...and everything becomes blurry, like a pretty picture you just can't figure out.

posted by nori_b @ 9:39 AM 0 comments