Dysfunctional Dreamer

Does Physical Change=Psychological Change?

There is a big change happening. I don't know if this mental confusion I am going through has anything to do with it, but I just feel that parts of me could do with a revamp. Perhaps if I changed myself physically, the mental change will follow, and I would be able to move on to other things. All that would be left would be a shell.

There will be something different about my going back this time round. There will be so many new beginnings, so many new experiences, waiting to be discovered, and this time, I hope not to pass it off this time round. I feel like some of the things I've missed the first time round, and now that there is less emotional baggage involved, I can finally concentrate on the things that matter more. 14days to go, I'm a mixture of anxiety, apprehension, and joy. But I guess when I'm finally done here, hopefully things will turn out better.

Sometimes I think that my life needs constant changes. Making radical changes, or acting on impulses seem to make me feel alive. If not happy, at least I know for a fact that I exist.

Depression and fate have a very strange way of bringing people together. Perhaps it's the sharing of all that emotion and talk that reveals the most honest of people.

I shall greatly regret to leave my insult-throwing-fast-talking friends. People I've known all my life, people who have been around when I've needed them most. People, who are irreplacable, people whom I've put up with, and who have put up with me. London holds new friendships, new people,new prospects- it's my separate reality. But no matter how much I feel like I want to leave now, run away, I will feel so sorry when that day comes, for it will not be the reality I'll be living for the next few years. People have a tendancy to think that the world revolves around them, and sometimes I get tired of constantly trying. I don't want to let go, so I try. But sometimes I feel like I'm grabbing at air, when they disappear....I know I tend to expect too much of people, but I am only human. And when a friendship fades or dies, it's like a part of me slowly disappears too. From time to time, I reminisce. And all comes alive again, like I've never left. But this is sadly, not the case.

Sometimes I wished I were able to say I'm a miserable drunk.
Washing out all that emotion with a few swigs of alcohol...and everything becomes blurry, like a pretty picture you just can't figure out.

posted by nori_b @ 9:39 AM