Dysfunctional Dreamer

The Waiting...

All the baggage is gone, having dropped them off this morning, at the un-godly hour at 8 in the morning. My back is aching from all the lifting, and being totally deprived of sleep the night before from all the packing didn't help either. I was so afraid that all our stuff wouldn't fit into the alloted space which we rented from the storage place, but everything went well. Said my goodbye(all unglamourously dripping with perspiration, me and Esther, both) to Luisa, who's going home, or rather, is probably home by the time this entry is being written. The lucky bitch...(: Won't be seeing her for the next three months, I reckon.

The state of the halls now is pathetic. I quote "it's like squatting in an abandoned building"-Gonçalo Sousa. It's depressing to be here, among nobody...Gosh,I'm going to miss swivelling in the lobby!
Very soon I'll leave the comforts of my room, forget how my corridor smells, forget how it feels to live in a place where people live side by side, and that they may pop by any moment. Nobody's ever going to knock on my door, hang out in my room, and I will miss the mass of bodies lying on my bed while we watch dvds on my mac. I'll miss hanging out in the B3 kitchen, the individual smells of everyone's room, the going back and forth between buildings, even late at night. I guess I will never experience anything like this, unless I come back to halls next year, which is very unlikely. I must say, despite not liking it that much, I will miss it dearly. Yes, even the guy who plays the electric guitar late into the night, and early in the fuckin morning. Yes Gonçalo, I know his name *is* John, thank you very much. Heeeee...
I bet you I'll even miss the bloody fire alarms, if you gave me time...

I was just thinking, that once I set foot on Singapore soil, somehow London would seem so surreal. Like it never existed. Then when I come back to London,Singapore would cease to exist. Like a friend said, it's like both places exist in a parallel universe, and one reality exists at a time, never both. It's a very strange feeling. I don't know if anyone else feels the same way...Somehow, it's so hard being me, in my room, all the bare walls around me, like I'm there again, for the first time, and I hate it. Fuckin depressing.I don't know if I should rejoice that I'm so much closer to going home, or break down and cry, for this is the end for now. I'm sure, being the sentimental fool that I am, there will be a great deal of sobbing before I leave. The final minutes, seconds, at my doorstep, and I'll just lose it. All composure, all rationality. Nothing else matters, except all my raw emotions. And what with going back to my life before, at least two ,months of it, the wait kills me, and all the starting out again, when I come back, to a new house, a new beginning, a chance to be doing it better, if not any more right. I just want to crawl under my duvet and hide. Just crumble slowly, decay. But I know I shouldn't. That would be the coward's way. F***, don't muddle with my head, just leave me to it.

posted by nori_b @ 11:31 PM